Greg Paulus is a douche, but we already knew that.

I've figured it out. As everyone who watches sports with me on a regular basis knows, I really like comparing athletes to relatively famous folks (Honestly, the Ray Felton - Tupac jokes aren't even funny anymore, and never really were in the first place, but damnit, he looks like Pac.), and I've finally got one for Greg Paulus. Ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado, I give you... the asshole guy from Wedding Crashers, Sack Lodge!

Obviously Greg Paulus is a bit more of a douche than the other guy, but I could totally see Paulus imitating a crying baby seal in a Duke huddle, or getting way too competitive at the annual Paulus crabcake and football blowout. And I bet he drinks daiquiris. Eh, maybe it's just me, but it makes Duke games a bit more entertaining if they all have alter egos. Duke managed to suck less than a pretty bad Illinois team tonight, so they got a victory, but there was also a pretty good MSU/UCLA game over on the deuce. Some notes from watching these two games...

-Duke freshman Kyle Singler really impressed me. He's got great range out to the three point line and loves to employ that Dirk-esque drop step. If he puts on a few pounds he'll be a good one and the next in the line of Duke players that I would enjoy punching in the face. Also, it's not often that I endorse tanning beds, but Christ, Kyle, get outside once in a while, you look like an extra from Fargo. Or Jake Busey from Contact:

JESUS CHRIST HIDE THE KIDS IT'S KYLE SINGLER!

-You can tell how much ESPN loves a basketball player based on the amount of useless closeups they have of the player walking slowly up the court when they are not involved in a play. The latest king of this? Kevin Love. Can't this guy hurry up and go pro so Atlanta can draft him? I'm sick of this him already.

-I will say, though, that Love has the best offensive rebounding instincts and footwork I've seen in a while - he might set all kinds of records.

-The girl next to K-Love's dad in the stands - sister or girlfriend? If it's his girlfriend, he can do better. If it's his sister, eh, borderline hot.

-Why did Kansas City build a brand new, gigantic, extremely nice basketball arena? Don't most cities have some sort of, you know, basketball team before that happens? I checked it the Wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sprint_center), and the biggest thing they have coming is the Trans-Siberian orchesta. I bet the taxpayers there fucking love that.

-Doris Burke is like the Keary Colbert of sideline reporters - it's just not clear to me why she still has a job. She doesn't have Erin Andrews' looks, Suzy Kolber's knowledge, or even Michelle Tafoya's inexplicable ability to somehow resonate with upper-middle class housewives. Either get some big-boobed blonde bimbo who just graduated with a communications degree, or get some washed up former player to do this job (Luke Schenscher would be perfect for this - he's 7 foot 1, Australian, and looks like Ronald Mcdonald!)

Schenscher > Burke

-Drew Neitzel shot MSU out of the game. Don't take a fadeaway 26 footer with Lorenzo Mata in your face and a minute to go, take him to the hole. Gah.

-Speaking of Mata, at some point in the offseason he changed his name to Lorenzo Mata-Real. Not sure why this is noteworthy, but he is the greatest player to ever grace the court.

Keepin' it Real. Mata-Real.

-Tom Izzo continues to be a fantastic coach year in and year out without really getting the respect of a Coach K or Roy Williams. He has a team built around a 5 foot 10 point guard who can't do anything except shoot, three freshmen play legitimate minutes, and they have a revolving door of crappy white big men in the post, and they're still a top ten team who led the number one team in the nation for 39 minutes. Nice.

-Once Darren Collison comes back, UCLA is gonna be real good. On a side note, I was flipping through the channels when a good friend of mine saw Darren Collison on the sidelines and freaked out a bit - "HOLY CRAP IT'S DARREN!" Turns out she was in his third grade class and knew him since they were little, but she forgot he was a basketball player. Huh.

-Gardocki of the day: Michael Jordan's son Jeff plays for Illinois and sucks! Also, did you know Drew Neitzel had a stomach flu?!

-lol nc state.

-NoNo